“Is Your love enough?”
I asked this of the Lord this morning, or He asked it of me (“Is my love enough?) after reading John 14: 14-31. I came to this passage this morning after a mini-meltdown last night, needing to hear words from the Holy Spirit. After reading about Him living in me, choosing to make His home there, teaching me all things (v. 26), I had to honestly ask Him,
“Lord, is your love enough?”
Oh, I know the answer, it is. But I was being honest with God that I wrongly seek and crave more than just Him and His love. I seek love and approval from others, perhaps more than Him at times.
I’ve been in a difficult place the last few weeks as I am bombarded not just with school work and busyness, but work that I call “psychological voodoo.” Being a graduate student in counseling, much of the work we have to do is analyzing ourselves, applying theories to our own life, etc., and I am analyzed out. It’s a strange, almost mystic world at times, and I am just about ready to go over the edge with over-analyzing. Having to spend much of my time and energy emotionally and psychologically breaking myself apart, it is hard to do that one minute and then be mom and wife the next. There’s not much of a connect in between, and it’s starting to take it’s toll.
For me, the hardest part is revisiting things I have already dealt with, like the causes of disordered eating that I struggled with for adolescence and young adulthood, because it tends to bring many insecurities and relational issues up again. But then, for different classes, I have to analyze the same issues from different perspectives.
Gees – enough already!
All of this when I don’t really share it with my family as we go from ballgame to ballgame, go on college visits, to science fairs, engage in the normal life.
Wait, what’s normal?? I thought I knew – that’s what this “psycho voodoo” stuff can do to your brain.
Too much self-reflection if you ask me, because it has taken my eyes of Him the last few weeks and seem to refocus my attention on myself. There’s some good to that, don’t get me wrong, self-reflection is good, when balanced with Lord reflection. Something that is not fully balanced in academia.
So I seek it on my own, going to the Lord, the Ultimate Counselor (v. 26), needing to hear from Him, and asking Him…..
Lord, I have been forced to look at myself and all the things that seem wrong with me, where they have come from, how they developed, and I am left asking…….Can your love be enough? Will you bring me to the point that IT IS ENOUGH?
God is so good. I have thought so over and over again as I have entered the field of counseling, as I have not only picked myself part but have listened to others who are hurting – that nothing satisfies or heals like the Lord. I don’t care what kind of theories are applied, or what the prognosis may be, the Only Hope despite everything is Jesus, our Lord, living in us. He has the same power today as He did on Easter Sunday. Why do we hesitate to offer this to each other for spiritual and emotional healing like we do physical healing?
I was working with a child the other day, and another person pretty much doomed this child to the path that seems inevitable for them.
No! I wanted to cry! There is Hope!!!
But in a secular setting, there is no hope. It is so sad, relying on “theories” and having a pessimism that change is not possible.
I would tell this child, if I could, that God’s love is enough. I know that in my bones. And while I can be so quick to offer this to another in hope, why do I question that for myself?
Because, I, too, get caught up in the secular, in the pessimism and culture that says God’s love is not enough, that I need more to satisfy. I need more from people, relationships, etc., etc….
But even as I write this, I have hope and am smiling because I’m reminded this is not so! God is Enough. His Spirit is enough! His Counselor is our greatest source of healing!
The Counselor will remind me of everything the Lord has said. (v. 26)
Oh, yes, Father, teach me, remind me….each moment… each day……that not only is your Grace enough, but You inside of me, and your love is more that enough.
Huh. I feel a little lighter as I have just talked to myself out-loud in this post. If it ministered to you, too, then Praise God. But I will praise Him right here for showing me, reminding me, teaching me ……Yes, daughter, my Love is Enough.
Oh, Praise you, Father!
“I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you.” John 14:18